If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
