Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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