awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize