Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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