Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

HIV tests are more positive than that guy

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(586): View more from Michigan

Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So there's that.

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(+22): View more from

Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.

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(607): View more from New York

My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew

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