when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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