Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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