I'm pants shitting drunk right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
