how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize