Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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