I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
