maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
