You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize