he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
