so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
