it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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