Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
