went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
