I hate all girls vehemently.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
