Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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