I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
