wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize