dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
