So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
