don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
