having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
