So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
