I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
