Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
