I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
