So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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