You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The uberlube is also flammable
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
