Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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