I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize