I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
