On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
