i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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