god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
