we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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