I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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