She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
