I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
