Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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