Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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