It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
