Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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