if i can run in heels then i can drive
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
