I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
