he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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