hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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