If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My dick has a subreddit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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