if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
