recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
