Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
