my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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