i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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