The maid of honor just puked.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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