the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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