So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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