I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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