I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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