Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
