the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
