I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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